So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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