I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
