i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
