Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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