I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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