I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She's like a pop up book from hell.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
