Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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