god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize