How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
