At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
