Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
