She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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