yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
