Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
