Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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