Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
