I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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