playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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