I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize