Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
