i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
