Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
