Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize