please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
