I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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