then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Ladies don't puke and tell
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