So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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