mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
