A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
