You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
