You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
