I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
