She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
