I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
