Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
No subtext here. People are naked.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
