I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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