i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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