Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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