i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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