I hope mine doesn't look like that
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
