Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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