hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
