The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
