Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she told me i tasted like america
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
