I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
