U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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