Apparently you make a good broom.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
