its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
True but thats because hes a fetus.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
