I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
