I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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