I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
