THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
