I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
