That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
