Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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