Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
