Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
