I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
