dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
