Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
