And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
