he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
