opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
