I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
