Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
