Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
